'Tis the weekend to decide college championships, fa la la la la, la la la la. 'Tis the season to get automatic bids, fa la la la la, la la la la. That's right, Fearless Ben readers, it's time for the first ever, uncensored CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP SPECIAL!
WARNING: IF YOU FEEL OFFENDED BY ANY OF THESE PICKS, GO TO YOUR LOCAL SHOE STORE AND ASK THEM TO MAKE YOU A BIG MAC. THIS MIGHT NOT ACTUALLY HELP, ESPECIALLY SINCE SHOE STORES DON'T USUALLY SELL BIG MACS, BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE HILARIOUSLY FUNNY TO SAY IT ANYWAY.
Now, back to our regular programming.
MAC Championship: Miami of Ohio 220, Central "I Want My Mommy" Michigan 0. The Gophers would feel a lot better about things if the only team they beat got into a bowl. Even if it's the Motor City Bowl.
Conference USA Championship: Tulsa 2, Central Florida 0. Only a safety in this hockey scoring game, only without the fights.
ACC Championship: Virginia Tech 49, Boston College 48. The sentimental pick of millions of Americans after the tragic shootings in April of many young men and women who still hadn't come to enjoy a full life.
SEC Championship: LSU 21, Tennessee 10. It seems that triple overtime loss on Black Friday was only caused by too much nachos.
Big XII Championship: Missouri 63, Oklahoma 62. In the Great Plains, a fierce duel rages. But Missouri wins, so get out those horses, boys, and get a gun and pull the trigger. (Editor's note: I think Ben was picking the basketball score here, but maybe he'll get by with it).
Special Uncensored I Want My Mommy Pick: Irondale 5/6 Grade In-House Gold Team 2,575,102, Whoever the Heck They Are Playing 1,000,001. And one-half.
That is all of the uncensored, Big Mac slinging picks for the week. And I wonder if they actually sell Quarter Pounders at Toys 'r' Us? Or even Babies 'r' Us?
Peace out,
Ben
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Fearless Ben Football - Birthday Edition
Well, today I'm going to pick a number of games. For example, the Minnesota Prep Bowl, the Thanksgiving Day NFL games, and the college football games. Here we go:
Nine-Man: Stephen Argyle 35, Waubun 10. The only thing I know about this game is that it's played with nine guys and that Stephen Argyle hasn't lost a game since the Cold War.
1A: Goodhue 21, Adrian 20. The good is that at kickoff it's only six hours until the Cretin/Eden Prairie game, so I suggest you stock up on those hot dogs and nachos.
2A: Luverne 28, Caledonia 0. Luverne is going to win this one for Ken Burns, who put the town in the spotlight for a week. Who knows, he might even be in attendance.
3A: Glencoe-Silver Lake 35, De La Salle 3. And you wonder if anyone is going to be in the stands, since this will be after the Game of the Who Knows.
4A: Totino Grace 17, Mahtomedi 14. And you wonder why this isn't the game of the century? Here's why.
5A: Cretin-Derham Hall 17, Eden Prairie 16. After this one, Michael Floyd gets to go to Notre Dame and no one will ever hear from him again. Rumor has it he'll end up working at the McDonald's in South Bend. Hey Michael, give me a triple quarter-pounder with cheese!
The Turkey Bowl - a/k/a the NFL's Thanksgiving Day games:
Green Bay 49, Detroit 3. Sing it with me: in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the Lion sleeps tonight. He's caged up with some angry humans dressed in green and gold and white. With Lion repellent.
Dallas 70, New York Jets 63. When you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way, but throw all your passes to Jerricho Cotchery so I can win fantasy football this week. If not, let's run Eric Mangini out of town.
Atlanta 35, Indianapolis 7. On a dreary Thanksgiving night, Michael Vick somehow plays in this game, giving a new meaning to the word, turkey. And I only have this to say: run, Michael, run.
Now for the Thanksgiving Day college pick:
Southern Cal 98, Arizona State 0. Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart and Carson Palmer play for the
Trojans in this game, but my question is, how the heck did they actually manage to play in this game?
A special added message: it's my birthday, and I just heard a rumor that the Minnesota High School Football Game of the Century will not be scheduled, due to Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show coming to town. So get out your holsters, men and forget about the football game. Remember the Alamo!
Peace out,
Ben
Nine-Man: Stephen Argyle 35, Waubun 10. The only thing I know about this game is that it's played with nine guys and that Stephen Argyle hasn't lost a game since the Cold War.
1A: Goodhue 21, Adrian 20. The good is that at kickoff it's only six hours until the Cretin/Eden Prairie game, so I suggest you stock up on those hot dogs and nachos.
2A: Luverne 28, Caledonia 0. Luverne is going to win this one for Ken Burns, who put the town in the spotlight for a week. Who knows, he might even be in attendance.
3A: Glencoe-Silver Lake 35, De La Salle 3. And you wonder if anyone is going to be in the stands, since this will be after the Game of the Who Knows.
4A: Totino Grace 17, Mahtomedi 14. And you wonder why this isn't the game of the century? Here's why.
5A: Cretin-Derham Hall 17, Eden Prairie 16. After this one, Michael Floyd gets to go to Notre Dame and no one will ever hear from him again. Rumor has it he'll end up working at the McDonald's in South Bend. Hey Michael, give me a triple quarter-pounder with cheese!
The Turkey Bowl - a/k/a the NFL's Thanksgiving Day games:
Green Bay 49, Detroit 3. Sing it with me: in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the Lion sleeps tonight. He's caged up with some angry humans dressed in green and gold and white. With Lion repellent.
Dallas 70, New York Jets 63. When you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way, but throw all your passes to Jerricho Cotchery so I can win fantasy football this week. If not, let's run Eric Mangini out of town.
Atlanta 35, Indianapolis 7. On a dreary Thanksgiving night, Michael Vick somehow plays in this game, giving a new meaning to the word, turkey. And I only have this to say: run, Michael, run.
Now for the Thanksgiving Day college pick:
Southern Cal 98, Arizona State 0. Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart and Carson Palmer play for the
Trojans in this game, but my question is, how the heck did they actually manage to play in this game?
A special added message: it's my birthday, and I just heard a rumor that the Minnesota High School Football Game of the Century will not be scheduled, due to Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show coming to town. So get out your holsters, men and forget about the football game. Remember the Alamo!
Peace out,
Ben
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